The global warming industry is imploding from scientific scandals, inconvenient weather, economic anxiety and surging popular skepticism (according to a Pew Research Center survey released in January, global warming ranks 21st out of 21 in terms of the public’s priorities).

I guess a 21st ranking is enough for Audi to spend a million + bucks to persuade you during the SuperBowl

The moral of the story is that we should welcome our new green tyrants and, if we know what’s good for us, surrender to the New Green Order.

Audi’s “Green Police” depicts an America where citizens are arrested — roughly — for even minor environmental infractions. A man at the supermarket asks for a plastic shopping bag and has his head slammed against the counter as he’s cuffed by a Green Police officer. “You picked the wrong day to mess with the ecosystem, plastic boy,” quips the cop. When officers find a battery in the wrong suburban garbage bin, one big cop yells, “Battery! Let’s go! Take the house!”

Some eco-bloggers disliked the ad because it reinforces the association of undemocratic statism or PC bullying with environmentalism. Perhaps that’s why the New York Times dubbed it “misguided.”

Meanwhile, some conservatives didn’t like it because it makes light of what they believe is actually happening. After all, in America and Europe, the list of environmental crimes is growing at an almost exponential rate. The ad is absurd, of course, but not nearly as absurd as Audi thinks.

What was Audi’s intent? Presumably, to sell cars.

“The ad only makes sense if it’s aimed at people who acknowledge the moral authority of the green police,” writes Grist magazine’s David Roberts on the Huffington Post. The target audience, according to Roberts, are men who want to “do the right thing.” He’s certainly right that the ad isn’t aimed at people (whom he childishly mocks as “teabaggers”) who worry that their liberties are being slowly eroded.

When the gas prices went up to five bucks a gallon, I was even thinking of driving out of my way to pay less. Since then, I simply pump my gas when I’m nearly out of gas. Period.

Yesterday, I pull into a gas station across the street from a Chevron station and notice the price per gallon is 30 cents less than Chevron. I noticed both stations had big gas tankers, the one at Chevron, of course, had the logo of Chevron. The truck at my station had no logo, probably because the station name was off brand, called Falcon.

Frankly, I’ve never stopped and thought so deeply about the quality of gas I might be buying for 30 cents a gallon less, up until that moment. Perhaps, I’d never seen such a precipitous price differential from the brand I grew up on, Chevron, across the street.

Nonetheless, I asked the truck driver what was the difference between the gas he was pumping and the Chevron truck across the street. Of course, he told me, “There is no difference. I know that truck driver,” he said, ”and we both just filled our trucks up today at the same fuel plant in Martinez, CA.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. He shot back, “And, the only difference?… Chevron pours into their fuel, one gallon of Techron additive for every 10,000 gallons of gas.”

What is Techron? It’s the only fuel additive that provides both unbeatable engine deposit control and protection against harmful sulfurs that can cause fuel gauge sensors to malfunction.

The only?

I began to ponder. Would I pay 30 cents more per gallon for a micro-ounce of that Techron in my truck? Ah…let me think about this for just a moment…. AH, NO!!!

I know some of my freinds swear by Techron for its value to their vehicle and would drive on fumes to remain a diehard Chevron fan and putter miles to locate a Chevron.

Will you buy gas at an off brand station?
Are you also a believer of the Chevron Techron Cult?
What do we consider a GREEN gas station? Has anyone figured that out?

We know how to determine if McDonald’s is green. They install car battery power stations so you eat and get your electric buzz on. Hey, we all start somewhere.

Notice when you visit a Chevron station, let your eyeballs browse and notice how many Techron stickers are EVERYWHERE!

Next time I drive off the lot of a Chevron, you’ll hear me, cause I’ll be screaming….”I LOVE MY TECHRON!!!”

You have to admit, Chevron is consistently clean, pumps almost always operable, and bathrooms that you can stand in for more than 10 seconds without your forehead caving in from the stench.  Hats off!

Thirteen states outlaw text messaging now.

I think it should be every state, and the crazy part is I love to text behind the wheel.

I’ve heard some blaming the government gaining more control.

I think it’s one of the most obsessive habits I’m dealing with behind the wheel.

How do cops know you’re text messaging? Reckless driving? Actually seeing the person texting behind the wheel?

The awful crashes from trains, planes and automobiles all over the country should speak volumes to banning humans from exercising stupidity.

No matter how clever I can be at multi-tasking, like I’m fast finger Freddie, ah…..no…I don’t think so.

The average person texts for durations that are equivalent to driving the distance of a football field. Can you imagine how much time that is to, let’s see, take out a group of people on the sidewalk, hit a pole, drive into a Walmart, steer a massive train into another?

Then you combine texting with a provocative smart car dilemma and the results are shocking.

The restaurant I enjoyed today with family for lunch needs help. If using up too much unecessary space on paper is not green, then we know what Tahoe Joe’s is doing on their menu is not green. Of course, I’m having fun and awakening my green intuition as to what is on the fringes of being a good green company or citizen.

So, nonetheless, I look up to the top right corner of the menu and it says, “Lunch served Monday thru Sunday”…hmmmm….isn’t that EVERYDAY!  I’m just sayin here…green is about efficiency and authentic conservation of everything including words.

Yes, I sound extreme or wild, and I’m in one of those silly moods again staring at this computer for too many hours and now I don’t FEEL green. Does a case of retinal trauma from gazing at this monitor of mine for too long mean I get sympathy from you for not feeling green at the moment? No. oh, we’ll I tried in my wild sort of way. Then it got me thinking what other wild ways could we go green. 
  
Wild ways to go green? I’ll start and you jump in for smiles and giggles.

1. Child eco-powered vehicles– are you forever running your kids from place to place and want to try and cut down on your carbon footprint? Why not put a cycle rack on top of your car and then attach a chain to the axle! The kids get exercise, you get to make sure they arrive safely from the comfort of the car and the whole thing is better for the environment – it’s a win-win situation.

2. Annual bathing – if it was good enough in medieval times why can’t it be good enough now? The savings in water will be huge, not to mention the money saving benefits that will come from the drastic decline in your social life. Americans like to bathe a lot. We’re bath crazy. Although you may not believe me, you don’t need to bathe everyday. A couple times a week is good enough to keep you healthy. (If you are very physically active or work in the sewers/morgue/infectious disease ward, you are probably an exception.)

3. Forget fair-trade, source it yourself – if you want to ensure that products you buy are really ethical then what better way then compiling your own list of producers and sourcing everything direct from the point of origin? From fruit and veg to shoes and socks, you’ll be paying retail prices so the producers get an even better deal. Of course some producers may object to the paperwork and insist you buy in wholesale quantities, but hey, you can never have too many bananas!

5. Become a hermit – if even ethically sourcing everything yourself seems to resource intensive then why not shun worldly possessions altogether, live in a cave and eat what you can forage? You can’t get much closer to nature than that! You may cause a few pollution incidents in the early days as you learn which berries and fungi are good to eat, but at least you’ll have plenty of peace and quiet to recover.

6. Coat your house in tin foil – When all else fails there are always geo-engineering options. By coating your house and garden in tin foil you can reflect more of the Sun’s energy back in to space, thus reducing the global temperature and helping to reverse climate change.

OK LETS GET MORE PRACTICAL FOR THOSE WHO THINK I’M ON DRUGS

7. Eat Over the Sink
If you hand wash dishes, then you may waste more water washing a cup than you drink from it. Save water by eating your sandwich, toaster waffle or chicken strips over the sink.

8. If It’s Yellow Let it Mellow
It takes about 3 gallons of water to flush a toilet. If you don’t flush every time you pee, you’ll save three gallons per pit stop. And, Pee Outside. That’s right. You can save three gallons of water by urinating on the earth we’re all trying to save.

10. Do Laundry Less
You can wear your clothes two or three times before you need to wash them. When I was younger I would wash my clothes when they started to itch. ewwwwwww….isn’t that kind of repelling. Hey…c’mon work with me here,  that’s how I knew they were ready.

11. Shave Less
Luckily for guys, the stubbly-loser look is in. Women, on the other hand, face an unfair social stigma for not shaving. If the guy isn’t in to you cause you have some coarse leg hair, he probably wasn’t marriage material anyways.

12. Less Deodarant
This is the one that is motiviating me to get more green. I hate anti-persperants. They ruin my clothes with stains but they work.  Letting yourself stink, as God and nature intended, can reduce chemicals and waste. If you see a decrease in friends, try an all-natural deodorant..

13. Bathe Less
Americans like to bathe a lot. We’re bath crazy. Although you may not believe me, you don’t need to bathe everyday. A couple times a week is good enough to keep you healthy. (If you are very physically active or work in the sewers/morgue/infectious disease ward, you are probably an exception.)

What would you consider wild ways to go green? There are lots of way to make your life more eco-friendly. Whether there mundane or wild. It’s all fun isn’t it?

As a new guy to green, driving the green freeway of love, well… my speeding habits may be catching up to me.

Yesterday I was just talking to a friend about Sammy Hagar and his smash hit from the 80’s, “Can’t drive 55″. The rock star was also the first person to update the first roadway speed sign of millions across California that went up 10 miles per hour from 55 to 65 in the mid 80’s.

“Hey Sammy, can you come back out to drop those signs back to 55?  Looks like his song could soon live up to what is a more safe and green approach to saving lives.  The news is the U.K. wants to lower their speed limits by 10 miles per hour on the freeways and another 10 mile an hour reduction on two lane roads.

Life usually has three major elements, among many others, that we humans care about. Time, Money and Love. I sure notice how a perception of time compression gets me to push on that pedal a bunch more and has me pumping my brakes a whole lot less. What do we do to stop the habits of speeding? Sometimes I wonder if I’m addicted to the race, the thrill that we often see kill.

Do we really have to get there 2 seconds sooner to only get stopped by a red light that put you on the same schedule as everyone else that abides by the law?

How many times do you chuckle at some meatball who thinks they are really getting there faster? Well, that meatball we consider flipping the finger to or even better, shaking our head in their direction, will be forced to slow down. New laws in America?… at least not yet, instead new laws are about to begin across the pond. We ought to look at these stats below and think about contacting our government and advising we lower our speed limits. Funny thing is the public is not happy with the U.K wanting to reduce speed.

Cuts would save lives, though.

The majority of UK motorists are opposed to the Government’s plan to cut the national speed limit from 60mph to 50mph on a two-way roads, according to a new survey.

The survey, carried out by MSN, revealed that 83% of the 40,554 people polled rejected the Government’s plans to cut speed limits from 30mph to 20mph in urban areas and from 60mph to 50mph in rural locations.

The National Audit Office recently released a report that showed 20mph zones helped cut pedestrian accidents by 29% and collisions involving cyclists by 63%.

I’ve noticed a pattern of which initiatives seems to be getting more attention. Over in Europe, it’s green cars, solar power and lenient smoking laws. Sure, Britain banned smoking in bars and public restaurants last year, yet many U.K countries have not joined their Britain friends in kickin’ the butt to the curb.

In the U.S., it’s the reverse. America is tough on smoking but pathetic at manufacturing green cars. Our solar power is not as robust and mainstream as it could be, however, as I blogged about last week, the spectacular developments of laser technology to generate energy is about to change history and it’s one amazing story to follow.

Looks like both countries, U.S. and Britain have some green culture affinities, yet so very different. It’s almost bizarre because there is no answer as to why the differentials between the U.K and the U.S are so polarized.

I still don’t understand why it took so long to get text messaging on our cell phones in the U.S.

Europe was texting a decade ago. That was nuts and I never did understand why America, who once was leading the world has one incredible opportunity to remain bright shinging examples of innovation and deep respect for our planet.